Democracy Dies in Darkness

Carolyn Hax: Apologize to adult children for failing them ‘so completely’?

A mom wonders if it would be “useful or merely self-serving” to tell her adult children she is sorry for her failure.

3 min
(Illustration by Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post)
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Adapted from an online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: I keep searching for the words to tell my adult children that I am so sorry I failed them so completely. I’m not seeking anything for myself, I just don’t want to leave the earth without them knowing that I know. Is that even useful or merely self-serving? I truly don’t know which option might be best for them. Your mom was a failure and she died. Or, your mom was a failure and she died, and she was so sorry.

— Failure

Failure: Your reference to death is concerning. If you are in crisis, please call 988.

The crisis line can help you find counseling, too. I urge you to get started to talk these things over. That’s a lot of pain to manage alone, and you don’t have to.

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